You're so nebulous sometimes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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