look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
