yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
