Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
