Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm experimenting with sincerity
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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