idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize