I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
