I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
