a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
