In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize