I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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