Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
