Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
