Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
