Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
