That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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