yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
