Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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