i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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