i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
