I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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