I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
