Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
