Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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