Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
