Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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