Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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