This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
