I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Michael Bay diarrhea
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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