you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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