Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
