It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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