I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
why is half of my head shaved?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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