She's JV to your varsity
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
no you cant smoke seaweed
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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