like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
