I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
