i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
