Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
