so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
