Jerry, you need to find god
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
