Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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