...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
