it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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