Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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