sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
