Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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