umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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