i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
When are your genitals available?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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