if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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