I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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