I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
