my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize