If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
