i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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