I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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