i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
