maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
