i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
