Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Randomize
