'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
