Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
