He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
