She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
