if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
