he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
