Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
