The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
