i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am one with the molecules
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
