I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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