This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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