Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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